He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
