I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
