Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
