Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
