Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
