lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
