Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
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Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
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Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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