3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
