dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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