Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
