moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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