So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
