I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
