I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
