im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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