I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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