I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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