How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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