We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Someone shit on the floor
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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