There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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