I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
