We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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