We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
