What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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