Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
