Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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