why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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