don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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