Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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