I'm jealous of your bromance
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
