just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
