Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
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Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
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It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize