My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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