Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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