Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
where does the pee come out of this thing
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
