im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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