I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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