Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
