3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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