I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
