Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
