Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Shame is for Republicans.
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