The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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