Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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