Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
