I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
