If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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