what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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