How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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