The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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