so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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