I'm drive I can fine osifer
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
