i don't like sucking hair
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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