You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
