Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
