mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
