I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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