Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
