I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
