Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
