he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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