U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
