you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
