he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
