I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
soo... how was my night?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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