Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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