well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
