If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
