Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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