White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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