this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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