I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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